By Cara Dudgeon

1st October 2019

Denise Welch has documented herself experiencing “a mild episode of clinical depression” in a series of social media videos in a bid to “so people who don’t understand can understand” more about the illness.

Image Source/ Hello Magazine

The former Waterloo Road actress feels “sick of having to explain” that she has been going through a “serious illness” for the past 30 years, and admitted she “doesn’t feel anything” when she is depressed and longs to feel “normal” again.

Speaking in a video on her Twitter account, she said:

‘Today is a better day than yesterday.

‘I think the visitor made a short visit and is on his way out, because the ability to feel something returns.

‘I didn’t have the black swirlingness that those who have had clinical depression will know.

‘There’s like a blanket of black swirlyness in the night. I didn’t have that.

‘It’s not sadness, I don’t feel anything. That is all you want to get back. You want to feel normal, not happy. You want the ability to feel normal. That is what depression robs you of.

‘In 30 years I’m sick of having to explain that I have a serious illness.

‘I work my illness, and I’m not defined by my illness. Because when the sun comes out again, which it has, literally and metaphorically this morning, my life is good’.

In another video, Denise admitted she wanted to document her journey “so people who don’t understand can understand”.

She said:

‘This is how it feels.

‘Part of me feels ridiculous. But if I’m going to talk about the journey of an episode I want you to see that there’s nothing different in my circumstances to yesterday but I’m terrified about everything.

‘There’s no joy in anything, no good news, no bad news, none of it makes any sense it just doesn’t matter. I’m just trying to chronicle this journey so people who don’t understand can understand’.

And in other footage, Denise opened up about her episode, admitting she felt “flatness and a void”, and found it difficult to have a shower.

She said:

‘I am in the midst of a mild episode of clinical depression, and having the shower I’ve just had was very hard.

‘Trying to explain depression to those who are fortunate not to suffer is difficult but it’s kind of like it is what it says on the tin.

‘Depression depresses every single emotion that you have so that there is a flatness and a void.

‘This started yesterday with feelings of slight unreality, the atmosphere around me starts to change and how I describe it is that the colour goes out of my life and people I’m around and that I love being with I don’t want to be around.

‘Things I have to look forward to I don’t want to be part of and even just things I have to do this week I start stressing about maybe having to withdraw from something and maybe letting somebody down’.

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