By Lewis Thelwell

14th February 2019

No matter what salon you to go, you can bet your bottom dollar that ‘just one inch off the end please‘ does NOT mean ‘just one inch off the end‘ to your hairdresser.

Seriously, what part are one inch don’t you understand? ARE WE SPEAKING DIFFERENT LANGUAGES!? Work with me here, Karen.

From mullet to infected hair follicles, we’ve all visited the salon and been dealt a haircut hand so bad that we’ve instantly retreated back to bed and vowed to never return to normal life until those weird new layers have grown back to a presentable length. Ladies and gents, you’re not alone.

So you think you’ve had bad hair days? Here are 11 times that hair has gone seriously, Monica-from-Friends-afro-levels of wrong…

1. ‘The Hair and the Mullet’

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“Sits me in the chair and proceeds to take 45 minutes to give me a trim. The haircut also gave me short straight bangs…like Jim Carrey from Dumb and Dumber, you could see the acne on my scalp it was that bad… and she also gave me a mini-mullet in the back. Thanks.” 

2. ‘I did NOT ask for a fish bone perm…’

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“Went in for a body wave a month before my honeymoon. Stylist says, ‘Sure, no problem! I can do that!’ and proceeds to pull out teeny tiny fish-bone sized rollers. Rolls up my hair and leaves me sitting there, soaking in perming solution. After all the rollers were taken out, my hair is clearly not in a body wave – it’s in the tightest ’80s spiral perm imaginable. Tell the stylist this isn’t what I wanted, he says, ‘Don’t worry, this is just what it looks like at first! It’ll loosen up!’”

3. ‘It was the night before 6th grade…’

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“It was the day before going into a new school in the 6th grade. Hairdresser unevenly lopped one side at least a full inch shorter. Needless to say, there wasn’t time to correct it, and I was mortified. You can clearly see me dandruff, too.” 

4. ‘Infected hair follicles really is a thing.’

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“I was getting my hair cut before moving. Her buzzers died halfway through doing the back of my neck, so she grabbed a pair of scissors from the drawer and basically scraped my neck. Since she didn’t sterilize them first, a few days later, the back of my neck erupted with infected hair follicles that hurt like hell. They took 3 months to heal.” 

5. ‘I looked up… she’d given me a Carol Brady with dreads.’

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“Went to my usual lady. Told her ‘the usual,’ which was shoulder length with long layers. Took a phone call from angsty teenage son. Looked up to see that I looked like Carol Brady. Plus it was all knotted – I had dread… Cried for two days.” 

6. ‘Traumatised by my bowl cut…’

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“When I was 15, I went to my mom’s hairstylist. I had a very low maintenance cut picked out, with minor layers and cute sidebangs.

“The lady told me, ‘That haircut is too much work for you,’ and gave me a bowl cut. After I saw it in the mirror, I immediately started crying, then she yelled at me for crying. I didn’t allow anyone to cut my hair for 3 years after that. Even when I got hair infection.” 

7. ‘I asked for an inch, I got 7’

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“I went to a mutual friend, a girl I had known for a few years in beauty school. However, the ‘mutual friend’ we met through and I had a bad ending to our friendship. I was confident, though, that she’d be professional, as she had done my hair in the past. I asked for an inch trim… She cut off about 6-7 inches. I was devastated. It took close to 2 years to be somewhat the same length. 3 years later and it’s still never been as long as it used to be and i’m quickly losing my hair now.”

8. ‘It was the morning of my wedding…’

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“I cut and dyed my own hair for ten years. Then, before my wedding, friends encouraged me to ‘treat’ myself and go to a salon. So three days before the wedding, I went in for a bit of a trim.

“The stylist promised me she was a professional and could do something amazing with the little bit of hair I had. Then she gave me a mullet. Like 1970s hockey hair. Three days before my wedding. When all I asked for was a trim.

“I wore a wig to the wedding. Which wait for… had lice infested. Nice”

9. ‘My hair looked like ramen noodles…’

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“I wanted nothing more than to have beautiful, golden beachy waves. So I went to my stylist and asked for a loose perm. She said, ‘Okay, but your hair will be a little more damaged than it normally is after bleaching it!’ Naively, I agreed to it.

“My stylist didn’t tell me, however, that perming bleached hair is literally the worst thing you could ever do to your locks.

“When it was done, it looked like something you’d order from a chinese, kind of like Justin Timberlake’s hair way back when. When I showered, it would break off in my hand, and it felt like very, very weak elastic.” 

10. ‘I definitely didn’t ask for sideburns’

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“Provided photos of myself with a nearly identical style.

‘Your hair won’t do that style. How about this one?’ with ugly long face framing tendrils on each side.

‘No, I don’t like that. Here are pictures of me from the past. Can you do that?’

‘Okay, I will do that.’

Fast forward 45 minutes. I’ve got ugly long face framing tendrils.

‘Um. These things on the side of my face. I don’t like them.’

‘Oh, I thought you said you wanted that style.’”

‘AND the dye she used caused by hair to dry out and flake like mad’.

 

11. ‘I looked like Sulley from Monster’s Inc.’

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“Went to a training salon and had a girl turn my hair a greenish hue. Had to go to work and deal with looking like an idiot until they could have someone else fix it. I go back and the girl is giving me the stink eye as someone else was correcting my color. It even caused my hair to fall out and my scalp to flake…”

Our hair naturally changes over time, and believe it or not, it can actually tell you a lot about your health…

Unfortunately for you McDonalds lovers out there (guilty), your diet is a big factor in our hair health – if you’re not healthy enough, your body will tell you in many different ways, many different ways that we would quite frankly like to ignore:

1. Shedding too much hair…

It’s completely normal to shed a bit of hair, especially when you’re in the shower giving it that deep cleanse it has been craving for weeks. However, if you find yourself shedding more than usual, this could be an indicator of something more serious…

Paradi Mirmirani – dermatologist and regional director of hair disorders at Kaiser Permanente – says excessive hair loss can be caused by deficiencies or medical issues:

“In addition to testing for thyroid disease and anemia, your physician may check for certain vitamin and/or mineral deficiencies, including a vitamin D deficiency,” she added.

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2. Dry hair…

According to Megan Faletra (MS and a global health consultant and dietitian), you should consume enough healthy fats in order to keep your hair healthier and less dry (what about unhealthy fats I hear you ask):

“Think about supporting the health of your hair by supporting your skin and scalp with an abundance of healthy fats such as avocado, olive oil, and salmon into your diet.”

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Okay, Saturday night takeaway clearly doesn’t qualify as a healthy fats then.

3. Dull hair…

According to Kaleigh McMordie, if your hair looks dull, it’s a sign that you’re not consuming enough healthy fats, and to add shine to your hair you need to consume more products such as Omega 3.

“Omega-3 fatty acids and monounsaturated fats are important for overall health, but dull hair could be a sign you aren’t getting enough. Load up on salmon, avocado, flaxseeds, chia seeds, and nuts.” 

Healthy fats nourish the hair follicles and help to add elasticity, preventing breakage. Brilliant – do chocolate covered peanuts count?

4. Brittle Hair…

Tania Dempsey, MD from Armonk Integrative Medicine, claims that having very brittle hair can indicate a zinc or iron deficiency – or potentially both.

“Zinc and iron are important for keratin production so not having enough of these can lead to changes in the structure of hair. Zinc can be taken alone or with a mineral formula including iron. You can add foods that are high in zinc like beef, pumpkin seeds, and lentils to your diet, too,” explained Tania.

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Again, more healthy food? Give us a break!

5. Dry Scalp…

Having a dry scalp means you need more omega-3s and omega-6s. Again with the Omegas? These fatty acids are apparently essential for healthy follicles, bringing extra moisture to your hair and scalp. Therefore consuming more foods that are rich in these fatty acids should rid you of your dry scalp woes.

Foods like sunflower seeds, fish and flaxseeds have a lot of fatty acids but you can also take fish oil supplements. Mmm fish tablets…delicious.

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6. Thin Hair…

McMordie says ”Hair cells, just like every other cell in the body, are made up of amino acids, which are the broken down form of protein, so if you aren’t getting enough, you may start to lose more hair than normal,” she explained.

It’s a sign that your body needs more protein, she advises consuming protein-rich foods like: eggs, fish, beef, nuts, beans and whole grains.

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7. Naughty Greys…

The loss of pigment in your hair is sometimes down to genetics (cue silver fox Philip Schofield), but when it happens at a significantly young age it maybe a sign of a copper deficiency. And guess what…we have more ravishing food suggestions for you to tackle this deficiency with: sesame seeds, mushrooms and seaweed.

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And whilst we’re on the subject of hair…

Get your chops around this crazy fact: we’ve always been taught to shampoo first, condition after but it turns out we’ve been doing it wrong this entire time.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Nina Dimachki, the artistic director of Kérastase says:

“Conditioning before you shampoo is great for adding nourishment to fine hair without weighing it down.” 

“It also promotes a longer lasting blow-dry and primes the hair before cleansing, allowing shampoo to distribute easier and more evenly.”

 

EY?!?

So why have we been doing it the other way around then?

Apparently, this way of washing your hair is only needed for certain hair types – not all of them. So those of you out there with greasy or highlighted hair, I’m afraid it is you that should switch up your hair washing routine – if you want your hair to last longer between washes and become less knotty, give these tips a go.

We’ve also been told to only cover our ends with conditioner, to keep them looking clean and tidy and avoid those dreaded chip pan, greasy roots. But now we’re being told that we’re supposed to be covering the roots with conditioner too…is there anything we are doing right?

“You will be cleansing it after, so your hair won’t be weighed down or oily.”

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Kératase has products meant for this routine, if you’re looking to mix things up in your hair department, why not try this? Couldn’t hurt, could it.

And if you’re on a tight budget and don’t want to splash the cash on expensive hair products then high street brand Tresemmé could be the brand for you. They offer salon-worthy products for a fraction of the price: their Beauty-Full Volume Reverse System collection is a personal favourite.

You could also try co-washing, which means “conditioner-only washing”,  supposedly giving you that perfect in between “freshly washed and second-day hair” – smooth, soft and easy to manage. The dream.

“In between shampoos, I apply a co-wash. My favourite is the ‘As I Am’ Coconut one because it seals in moisture,” Viola Davis claims.

So there you have it, everything you could possibly need and want to know about how to create those luscious locks you have always longed for.

 

And we cannot wait to get started on our new hair routines; move over Cheryl, because ‘we’re worth it’ too.

 

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