“One time, while shopping with my mother, I stopped in the bathroom for a brief moment. While doing my own (very clean) thing in the stall, I heard someone just outside exclaim “Who would do this?” in a sort of equally terrified and exasperated manner. It was weird, but I didn’t think anything of it! When I stepped out of the stall and went to wash my hands, I was halted by the sight of what was genuinely and unhyperbolically the largest shit I’d ever seen just sitting in the sink, filling it to the brim. The sight and smell of it all were enough to make me exclaim “Who would do this?!!!” and sent me on my way in sheer terror (and also laughter). Fin!”
– Kyle D
2. Errrr, what?
“One time while I was using the bathroom, a woman entered the stall next to me, starting weeing, then OPENED A BAG OF CRISPS…
…AND ATE THEM.”
– Tara P
3. Don’t let go.
“When I was 12 years old, my peers and I went on a school trip. Our bus had a tiny toilet, and I had to use it. I thought I locked the door, but as I was doing my business, the bus hit a bump and the door flew open, and of course sitting in the back near the bathroom were the ~cool boys~ of the year. I slammed the door shut and did not let go even as I was washing my hands one at a time, and it took me a good 10 minutes of talking myself up to exit and go back to my seat.”
“Of course, those cool 12-year-old boys did not keep their mouths shut about it.”
– Mandy C
4. Cover your ears!
“At an old job, there was this girl who, EVERY TIME I went to the toilet, would get up and go too. (We weren’t friends, and she sat away from me.) At first, I thought we were just synced, but it got too weird. But the very worst part was that, more often than not, she’d do a shit. I felt like she was persecuting me – I don’t want to hear you shit every day!”
– Victoria S
5. Shake ya lettuce.
“I was in a pub toilet in the Forest of Dean once, and the girl in the next cubicle shouted, “Stacey, there’s no paper! Don’t matter – I’ll just shake my lettuce!””
– Laura G
6. What a beast.
“I was in the bathroom at my school, and the guy peeing next to me at the urinal saw that one of the stalls opened up, so he stopped his stream MID-PEE and walked over to the stall to finish. Truly beastly.”
– Tim U
“Every time I walk into one of the men’s bathrooms in my office, I’m confronted by a fresh horror the likes of which I never imagined was possible. Floors, walls, and ceilings inexplicably soaking wet. A smattering of toilet paper shreds dotting the drenched tile landscape like the remnants of confetti bombs. Toilet bowls so impossibly jam-packed with faeces it appears the only possible solution would be a gut renovation of the entire facility. And the smells – my God, the smells! The whole room is thick with disorienting odours, the descriptions of which transcend the very limits of our rich language. And so, each day, what starts as a seemingly mundane moment of routine relief instantly becomes an excruciating exercise in controlling the gag reflex. Here, simply performing bodily functions is a stretch of man’s ability to survive in an environment so revolting and septic that the science to measure it doesn’t yet exist.”
– Andrew C
“When I worked as a lifeguard, someone (a small child, probably?) pooped all over the floor of the women’s bathroom. Like, everywhere. In the showers. In various stalls. Under the sinks. It was a pool bathroom, so the floor was wet to start with, which meant all the little piles turned into runny, watery floor diarrhoea. The entire floor was coated in a thin layer of poop. And I had to clean it up.”
– Kelley D
9. Eurgh, boys!
“In school, the boys decided that everyone using the same toilet and never flushing would be a fun experiment (?). So, for weeks, they all pooped in the same toilet. On top of each other’s poop. Like actual monsters. It went unnoticed by the school staff until the situation was so dire they had to replace the entire toilet.”
– Kelley D (again)
10. Mushroom nightmare.
“I lived in a fraternity in college. We had three public bathrooms, all of them vile. Our primary bathroom, which was on the second floor, had mushrooms growing out of the sink drain at one point.”
– Tyler H
11. OH MY GOD.
“One year during a half marathon, the winds were VERY prevalent and strong…which caused havoc during the race. The marching bands had to stop playing, water handout was a nightmare because the cups were flying everywhere, the mile marker signs fell down, tumbleweeds tumbled through the course, and the portable loos…oh god, oh god, oh god. I watched one tip over, and I said a silent prayer for the poor runner who was inside.”
– Kirk D