By Eloise Heath

3rd December 2018

Christmas: the most wonderful time of the year? Some say so, cherishing warm memories of charming customs: carol singing, sumptuous dinners, carefully placing a smiling angel atop a perfect tree.

For others, the festive period can be a little less idyllic- featuring fractious festivities including burnt spuds, cabin fever, and ungraciously received gifts. (Not to mention an annual game of Monopoly that turns very, very ugly).

That’s what Christmas looks like for us, but what does it look like for Her Royal Highness and co? What do you buy the woman that has everything, including ownership of all of the UK’s swans? Do the Corgi’s get their own Christmas jumpers? And *why* are the royal family weighed before and after Christmas dinner? No, seriously, they are…

Proper Planning Prevents P*ss Poor Performance

This business adage seems to have stuck with the Queen, because she gets her head in the Christmassy game hella early.

The Queen starts writing her Crimbo cards in the summer

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That’s right, whilst the rest Britain is optimistically setting up the BBQs (despite the thunderclouds rolling in) and slathering themselves in sun cream, Liz is sitting down and writing her Christmas cards.

That’s some serious forward thinking from Liz- we’re usually scrambling to the post on December 23rd. Who am I kidding? Let’s be real, most of us buy hundreds, write six or seven, and then never bother to post any of them.

Between them, the Queen and Prince Philip send out a whopping NINE HUNDRED cards

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Throwback to primary school, where being taken off of someone’s Christmas list was the worst possible snub you could receive.

Well, friends of the royal family really should be offended if they don’t make this cut, given it’s literally nearly a thousand cards. RIP Trees.

They hand sign the vast majority of them

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With everything being online now I can barely remember the last time I even used an actual pen: there’s scope for some serious RSI here. Really close pals will get it signed by Lillibet (the Queen’s family nickname), medium tier people will get Elizabeth, lower still Elizabeth R and lower still a rubber stamp #parred.

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