By Lewis Thelwell

11th January 2019

We all state that we do none of the cheesy, get too-comfortable and sometimes down-right cringey couple stuff…but really, we all do. And to say some of this stuff is gross would be the understatement of the year.

Would you ever pick your nose in front of your other half? (Do you say you don’t but really, when their back is turned you do?!) Do you finish each other’s sentences because you’re just so, like, happy. And, the worst of them all, do you smother PDA in front of everyone’s faces?

Whether you are guilty of any of the following or not, you cannot deny that you have caught yourself doing at least a few of the following…

Keep a count of how many of these gross things you are your partner are guilty of.

Let’s start as we mean to go on!

One of the grossest things that couples can do together is having a bath together!

Couples who bathe together…

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Can you think of anything worse than laying in each other’s grime and dirt? Ewww!

We’ve all been talking to someone and cannot take our eyes of their bulging spot.

Pop each other’s spots

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Would you ever pop your other half’s spots? Maybe if they’re giving you a stare off…

Is there anything more off putting than seeing two people having a make out sesh in front of you?


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Yes, when they then decide to grope each other. Pass me the sick bucket ASAP!

Look what we have here

When couples speak in those high-pitched, cutesy af voices – does it grate on anyone else?

Cutesy voices

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Any bets the royals do it too – what do you think their nicknames are for each other?

If there is anything worse than the voices, it’s definitely feeding each other in public!

Lady and the Tramp

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All I’m trying to do is eat my pasta in peace and there’s a couple trying to do lady and the tramp! Yuck!

The last thing that any of us wants to see in the morning is a lovey dovey facebook post.

Mushy FB posts

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Some people believe that these couples actually aren’t that happy together – do you agree?

Do you do these?

Although we all hate to admit it, every couple has one song that is theirs, and will be 4ever.

“Your” song

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No matter where you are, whenever you hear it, your eyes start to well up and you have to make excuses about hayfever!

There’s nothing more awkward at the beginning of a relationship than going to the loo in front of each other.

Go to the loo in front of each other!

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However, once that initial awkwardness is over with, we all become a whole lot more comfortable going in front of each other!

We all know that one couple who will celebrate any kind of anniversary that is possible.

Celebrating a monthiversary

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Monthiversaries, kissaversaries, first date-aversaries, first sleepover-aversaries – you name it, they celebrate it… and don’t we know it!

Ready for some more ideas?

After going to the bathroom in front of each other, comes farting in front of each other!

Silent farts!

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Raise your hands if you’ve ever done a silent but deadly one, then blamed it on the dog.

Although we all admit to it, we all pick our noses! Even when we’re single.

Picking your nose

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The real question is, would you ever eat it in front of your other half?!

There is nothing better in the world than fresh sheets – but they’re a bit of an effort aren’t they!

Sleeping in sheets for a month

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We all sleep in old sheets a little longer than we should because we’re arguing over who should change them.

Can your stomach handle the grossness?

Cringey couples pictures are the worst; we don’t want to see how happy you are!

Mushy pictures are the worst

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Honestly, how rude of you to share your happiness with us all. Ugh, so unbelievable.

Although we all think that we look like High School Musical’s Troy and Gabriella when we dance, that may not actually be the case.

Dance classes

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In reality, we look like two bumbling blobs who don’t know their left from their right!

I honestly have to commend anyone who gets their other half’s name tattooed on them!

Name tattoos!

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Would you ever be brave enough to get your partner’s name tattooed on you forever?

They seem to be getting stranger

How do you feel about matching shoes with your other half? Is it a yay or a nay?

Matching shoes

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Although it may not be super gross, one thing it is for sure is super cringe!

Whilst it is inevitable that you’re going to give your other half a nickname, there’s no need to use it in public.

Pet names in public

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Isn’t that right, Princess? Sorry, we meant to say Leia¬†Organa of Alderaan. Just forget the princess!

There’s perhaps nothing more personal than a toothbrush, but sharing is part and a parcel of a relationship right?

Sharing toothbrushes

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Honestly, if my other half forgot their toothbrush, they’d be walking to the shop to buy a new one!

More is more

We all love the grub life a little too much, but sometimes it can become excessive.

Wearing the same shirt for a week

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Like wearing the same outfit for consecutive days, either because you like it, or because it’s just comfy af!

Talking about grub life, sometimes having a shower just seems like too much effort. Especially if it’s hair wash day.

Smell each other to see how much they really stink

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Hence, some people sniff their partner’s armpits to see if they really need to shower, or can get away with it for another day.

It’s known that men often get their beards shaved by others, but would you ever shave your partner’s bum hole?

Shaving each other

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Rumour has it that some couples do this cosmetic routine, although, I can’t speak from personal experience!

How gross are these

There’s nothing nicer than a morning kiss, but is it still as nice when they have morning breath?

Kissing each other despite morning breath

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Do you and your partner worry about it, or do you kiss despite the acrid smells?

Do you think it’s strange or normal to share a spoon with your other half?

Sharing cutlery – weird or normal?

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The way I see it, you would kiss them, so surely it’s just the same?

There are certain foods which you just don’t eat on a first date, but once you’re ‘official’ that goes straight out of the window!

Eating messy foods – and not giving af

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The messier the food, the better! And also not changing your shirt when you spill down it.

Have you seen/ heard any of these?

Maybe your partner has had one too many to drink, and they’ve thrown it all up.

Cleaning up their sick

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Is there any greater sign of true love than cleaning it all? Meant to be!

Some couples are said to speak only in robot sounds when they are all alone.

Communicating in robot sounds

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I wonder if they have a dictionary with all of the sayings and words for specific things!

We’ve all accidentally heard that one couple talking about their sex life way too loudly!

Talking about sex… out loud!

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I do not want to hear about how many times you did it and what position was your favourite.

This is the worst of all…

You know that it’s true love when you *quietly* put up with your other half’s BO.

Put up with your partner’s BO

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You don’t complain about how pungent they smell, you just smile and accept them for who they are – and remind them where the shower is!

Is there anything worse than those couples who are so inseparable that they finish each other’s sentences?

Finishing each other’s sentences

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Like seriously, although you are a couple it doesn’t mean that you have become twins!

Although it’s all in jest, no one wants to see someone slap their SO’s bum!

Slapping each other’s bums

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And more importantly, no one wants to see it between their parents! For the bedroom only please.

How awkward?

Any couple who says they’ve never had a fight in public, are either lying or still in the honeymoon period!

Fighting in public

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And it’s so awkward for those around them –¬† it’s an inevitable part of a relationship though!

We’ve already talked about how gross matching shoes are, but swapping or wearing each other’s clothes! Yikes.

Swapping clothes

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It’s true that for some unbeknown reason, their clothes are always comfier, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for public eyes!

You know when one of your friends has just got into a relationship when you don’t see them for three months…

Ditching your friends for your SO

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… or even more! We all say we won’t do it, but it just happens.

Do you know anyone like this?

When you know someone who is in a happy relationship, they think that they know all there is to know about finding ‘the one’.

Giving relationship advice

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Who knows, maybe they do. But personally, I’d give it a while to see if they break up!

Some couples will share the same towel; to me, it makes sense, but to others it’s vile.

Sharing a towel – disgusting or normal?

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Where do you stand on the subject? Is it strange or do you think it’s fine?

Your friend is out of the honeymoon stage and is finally back to hanging out with you!

Asking their other half’s permission

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Only for you to realise that they need to ask their other half’s permission to do anything! Just why?!

Some gross ones here

There’s nothing better than being the little spoon and getting all the cuddles… and doesn’t your other half know it!

Taking it in turns being the big spoon

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You know that you’re out of the honeymoon period when you have to take it in turns.

You know you’ve reached a certain point in your relationship when you feel comfortable clipping your toe nails in front of each other.

Clipping toenails in front of each other

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I guess as long as they don’t leave their clippings on the sofa – it’s fine?

Sharing a towel can be okay under some circumstances, but sharing chewing gum is a big no no!

Sharing chewing gum

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Maybe if you only had one left and bit it in half to give them a little before it was chewed – but fully from their mouth! Ewwwww.

There’s still more!

If your other half hasn’t asked you to check if they have any bogies, are you even in a true relationship?

Checking for bogies!

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Just wait until they ask you to remove any hairs from up their nose – it’s true love!

Getting ill is part and parcel of life for everyone – unfortunately for your significant other.

Picking up their dirty tissues

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You know the love is real though when they go around cleaning up your trail of tissues.

You know you’re not trying to impress your partner anymore when you don’t care about shaving.

‘Forgetting’ to shave

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To be fair, it is a lot of effort – surely they’ll understand the struggle?

What do you think?

Ears can be a very personal thing in a relationship – each to their own, right?

Getting each other’s earwax

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But, would you ever consider getting your other half’s ear wax for them? I’m not sure.

Whilst on the topic of strange body things, would you get the food out of their teeth?

Getting the food out of their teeth

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It does stare you down when you’re looking at them, so maybe it’s for the best?

One of the best things about being in a relationship is getting a post-shower naked dance from your bae.

Giving each other a naked dance

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It’s totally up to you as to whether you find it gross or incredibly sexy!

There’s more where they came from

Although writing love letters was cute back in the day, these days, what’s the point?

Writing each other love letters

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With things like texting, emails, and other instant messaging apps – there doesn’t seem to be a need!

As anyone who has been on a first date knows, they can be cringey, awkward, and intense!

Recreating their first date

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Hence, why on earth would anyone want to recreate that experience? First means one you know!

We all know that PDA can become a bit much at times, and that includes fondling.

Fondle each other in public

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That’s the last thing I want to see when I’m walking up the street with my headphones in pretending I’m in a music video!

Not long to go

One of the most annoying things about your friends getting in relationships is that it becomes them and

They become 1+1

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You now have to think about having two car spaces free when you invite them anywhere!

Is there anything more sick inducing than hearing someone refer to themselves as a ‘we’?

Becoming “we” rather than I

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Like honestly, you are your own person; you’re not connected to your partner by the hip!

If your parents didn’t shout at you for the escalating phone bill that you and your SO were creating…

They won’t hang up the phone

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… were you even in a teenage relationship! Or any, let’s be real. Why is it so hard to hang up?

What’s your opinion?

Eye gunk, sleep, eye bogeys – whatever you call it, we all get it when we wake up in the morning.

Getting each other’s eye gunk

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But, would you ever pick it out of your partner’s eyes – is it gross or normal?

Girls have been doing this for years, and although it’s not necessarily ‘gross’, it’s very TMI.

Talk openly about periods

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Being able to talk to your significant other openly and freely about your monthly visitor is a victory.

In the heat of the moment, you don’t stop to think if your SO has showered or not yet that day.

Having sex even though you haven’t showered yet that day

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Having sex whether your partner is clean or not isn’t gross – or is it?

Penultimate page

While we’ve established that bathing together is a deal breaker, peeing in the shower is…?

Peeing in the shower

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Maybe not whilst the other person is showering with you, but if they’re jumping in after you, what’s the harm?

It’s bad enough seeing people hand feed each other things, but apparently some couples baby bird feed each other!

Baby bird feeding your SO

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Please excuse me whilst I just go throw up – how gross is that, huh?

If only really loud and long burps were a sign of just how much you love someone.

Burping really loudly!

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Although it’s gross, we’ve all got to burp at some point in our lives, right?

Last three!

Apparently, not flushing the loo after a wee is better for the environment – but would you dare?

Not flushing the loo after a wee

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Well, next time you and your partner are skint, you know a way to save money!

You know the honeymoon part of the relationship is over when you start wearing your old undies.

Wearing old, ugly underwear

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You know the kind that I mean; the ones with the holes and pulled elastic. How sexy!

The final thing is cleaning (which is a mission in itself between the pair of you) the shower.

Cleaning the plug hole – despite the pubes!

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Most specifically, the plug hole; knowing the amount of pubes and stray hairs left in there! Yuck.