We’re a pretty awkward nation aren’t we when you think about it. Most of us are too polite to moan about something so we just keep everything to ourselves. Of course, this is stereotyping a bit isn’t it, not all of us are like that, but as a whole, we’re are a bunch of awkward sods. We’ve all said something that we absolutely DO NOT mean. Here are 30 very British sentences that we hear daily, that don’t actually have the same meaning behind them. How many can you relate to?
1. “Fancy going out for a few?”
Would you like to come and get absolutely rat-arsed with me until 4 am and wake up with kebab next to you and sauce up your nose.
2. “He’s lovely, once you get to know him.”
He’s an arsehole in other words.
3. “It got a bit messy last night.”
I ended up downing 2 bottles of wine before I stepped foot out of my front door, chewed the taxi drivers ears off, threw up in the back of the cab, danced about town like a tw*t, woke up in my front garden with a traffic cone and a wet floor sign next to me.
4. “I’m knackered today.”
I’m hungover in other words but don’t want to tell people because it’s only Tuesday.
5. “Anyway, we will have to do something together soon.”
Please f*ck off and don’t contact me ever ever again.
6. “I’ll pop round soon for a brew and catch up.”
You’re never going to see me again and if I ever see you I’ll be ducking and hiding behind every object I can find, just to dodge you.
7. “It’s fine, I understand.”
You’re a f*cking idiot, we are no longer friends. D*ck.
8. “I need to start being healthy.”
I need to stop eating 3 takeaways a week and going to Greggs every day for my lunch.
9. “Sorry, I’m going to the gym.”
I’m going to sit on my arse and watch 10 episodes of Friends in a row.
10. “It rings a bell…”
Don’t have a clue what you’re on about love.
11. “It was alright, but I wouldn’t come here again.”
The restaurant was absolute sh*te. Dog food would have tasted better than what I just put in my mouth.
12. “I’m not being funny….”
I’m about to rip into you you massive kn*b. Be prepared for an arse whooping.
13. “Ahhh, I’m not explaining this well am I!”
LISTEN TO ME PROPERLY YOU MORON. HOW CAN YOU NOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING TO YOU!!!!???
14. “Can I have a quick word with you?”
You are about to get the b*llocking of your life pal.
15. “Don’t panic.”
PANIC PANIC PANIC.
16. “Let’s agree to disagree.”
I will never ever admit defeat to you even if you are right, so please just f*ck off away from me so I can sit and sulk for a while.
17. “Let’s just be friends.”
I now think you’re a d*ckhead and know that everytime I smile at you, it’s all fake. If only looks could kill….
18. “I didn’t see you there!”
I was actually trying my hardest to dodge you but oh well.
19. “Only if you’re making yourself one.”
Make me a brew now you peasant.
20. “It’s up to you.”
If you don’t pick the one I want I’m going to have the serious hump.
21. “I really don’t mind.”
FFS why have I not just said what I want?
22. “I’m fine.”
No, I’m really not but I don’t want to moan like a child so I’ll just make sure you know you will pay for this and I will bring the mood of the room down for the rest of the day 🙂 🙂 🙂
23. “I got a bit tipsy last night.”
I ended up getting thrown out of my local, stumbling home and having a fight with a plant pot.
24. “Fancy having a barbecue this weekend?”
Fancy a piss up in my garden?
25. “It’s not quite what I had in mind, but oh well.”
You’ve ruined my day you idiot. That’s not what I wanted at all you incompetent fool.
26. “I’m staying sober for a while now.”
I’m not drinking today, I’ll probably be pissed tomorrow though.
27. “Yes, it looks lovely, thanks.”
WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HAIR WOMAN!?!??!!
28. “I’ll see how I feel on the day.”
I’m almost definitely not coming. In fact, I have no intention of coming.
29. “Oh well, it could be worse.”
It really couldn’t, this is possibly the worst outcome in this situation.
30. “I’ll sort it out for you.”
On the 31st of February.