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1. Not catching someone’s name after asking them three times already.
Meaning you can never see them ever again because nothing is more awkward than having to talk to someone you hardly know.
2. Not being able to get through airport security without worrying you’ve accidentally packed an ounce of cocaine and a monkey in your suitcase.
Those 20 minutes you’re queueing up at security are the most stressful 20 minutes ever.
3. Not hearing someone for the third time.
So just laughing at agreeing with them hoping for the best.
4. Saying “Here’s fine” to the taxi driver.
And ending up half way down your street instead of outside your house.
5. Repeatedly pressing the open button at least 20 times before it’s lit up.
To make sure you do actually get out of the train doors and that everyone around you knows you’re wanting to get off the train.
6. Almost having a panic attack when the train inspectors get on the train.
Even though you know you have a perfectly valid train ticket.
7. Seeing someone you vaguely know half a mile up the road.
And having to look up about twenty times before they walk past you so you can say hello to them.
8. Looking away from someone when they put their PIN into a card reader that you almost break your neck.
You want that person in front of you to know that you’re not a thief and you’re not about to rob them for all they have.
9. Giving the person behind the till the exact change but always asking “Is that right?”
When you already know you’ve given them the perfect change.
10. Looking at yourself in sheer despair when you get a different haircut to the one you asked for.
Leaving the hairdressers looking worse than when you came in.
11. Seeing someone you know in the shops.
Then sneaking around like a burglar so you don’t see them again and have to say “hello” AGAIN.
12. Not being able to turn and walk in the other direction without taking out your phone and frowning at it.
13. Having literally a tonne of plastic bags under your kitchen sink.
And STILL buying bags from TESCO even though you have fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags at home.
14. Cleaning your house like mad before anyone comes round and still saying “You’ll have to excuse the mess!”
But secretly being really happy with how clean your house looks.
15. Forcing everyone around the table to eat the last roast potato.
Even though you wanted it.
16. Running out of ways to say thanks when someone holds a succession of doors for you.
So just smiling shyly at them hoping they won’t think you’re an ignorant b*tch.
17. Sitting in sheer disgust until the unknown number stops ringing.
Who are they? What do they want with me?
18. Spending 355 days of the year moaning about the crap British weather.
Only to moan for the other ten days of the year about how warm it is? “Why’s it so fucking warm”, “Eurghh, it’s so warm!”
19. Not being able to eat a banana in front of people in fear that they think you’re trying to be seductive.
Or an ice lolly. Or anything slightly penis shaped for that matter.
20. Being unable to accept food without going “Oooh!”
21. Almost ripping someone’s head off if they don’t queue up properly.
Nothing annoys me more. The cheek of it.
22. Not being able to walk into your dental surgery without saying “I’m here to see the dentist.”
As if the receptionist thought you were there to see the doctor…
23. Being unable to diet for longer than 48 hours.
Going on a strict diet except for crisps and cheese and everything else that is nice and unhealthy really.
24. Spending the entire day at work thinking about all the chore you need to do when you get home.
Only to get home and sit on the couch, watching Come Dine With Me all night long.
25. Not being able to concentrate on a word that’s being said when someone’s stood too close to you.
And also immediately panicking in case you smell or something.
26. “I’ll start my diet every Monday.”
Everyone’s famous last words.
27. Taking a detour when you see someone you slightly know.
And adding a good 20 miles on to your trip just so you don’t have to engage in small talk.
28. Not being able to go into B&M without coming out feeling ashamed with how much you’ve just spent in their.
Going in there to buy hangers and coming out with everything BUT. Just because it’s cheap doesn’t mean you should buy everything in the store.
29. Counting down the days until the next bank holiday.
Genuinely struggling to get through a 5 day week after being treated with three bank holidays in two months. April & May are only the best months because of the bank holidays. Less work means happy people.
30. Not being able to ask someone for money they owe you.
Why do we find this so difficult?